I tried to get a bike home last night and it told me the only bike left cost 1.35 ounces of gold. “I used to take Divvy everywhere,” said Paul Paulpaul, 22, a student at DePaul University, “but I can’t afford this shit anymore. Honestly, the things you people do to those poor bikes disgust me.” When we started Divvy we didn’t realize how much upkeep public bikes would need. “This is in no way related to Lyft’s recent purchase of Coyn,” said Anslygh of Lyft’s recent acquisition of a struggling startup that promised “a luxury coin experience backed by the charisma of Jared Leto.” “This is purely about money. Divvy says specially sized gold coins are available at newly installed kiosks, and that other gold coins may work, but if it’s too small or isn’t pure enough gold, the machine will eat it. The new Divvy model is identical to previous versions of the clunky blue bike, but cost an average of 790% more to rent for rides. Our newest bike can only be rented with pure gold, and if you don’t like it, walk or something.” “Divvy is devoted to providing Chicagoans with convenient options for traversing the city,” said Mygan Anslygh, 26, a customer service diplomat for Divvy, “but cheap? We never promised that.

This week Divvy released their newest bike model, which can only be operated by inserting a gold coin into the docking station. The bikes and ebikes- available around the most gentrified, least bikeable areas of the city-have substantially increased their rates over the summer, and Divvy has warned users it won’t stop there. CHICAGO - Since their purchase by Lyft in 2019, users of Divvy bikes in Chicago have noticed rising prices on the popular rental bikes.